An unbiased look at the most popular theory of soul mates.
You have met someone and they are completely different. As soon as you look at this person, you feel a sense of familiarity and a magnetic attraction. The more you get to know them, the more similarities you find. Surprisingly, they share your weaknesses and it’s as if you’ve met your reflection.
Confused by the uniqueness of this encounter, you search for answers. And so you find them: the twin flame theory. You’ve never heard of this concept, but it describes everything you experience: like soul mates on steroids. You know it sounds ridiculous, but a part of you wonders if it could be true. After all, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before.
The problem is that the subject of twin flames is controversial and it is difficult to get an unbiased opinion. If you search the Internet, you’ll find forum posts written by people who seem downright obsessed, and websites that claim to be experts and conveniently sell readings and books on the subject. Conversely, you will see legions of critics who have no time for ideas about soul mates or spiritual development. For them, it’s nothing more than an obsession and an excuse to ignore rejection.
So what are we supposed to think?
This post is for those who are unsure of their position and want to hear both sides of the argument. As someone who understands and has experienced dating psychology, I can fill in the blank for those who don’t know what to believe. I’ll cover the main perspectives and ideas you can consider right now. By the end, you will have a deep understanding of what you are experiencing and it will be much easier to make a decision about what to believe.
Does it justify his obsession or is it his spiritual awakening? We will find out.
What is a twin flame?
Before I get into my main points, it’s worth briefly recalling the basics of twin flames so that we’re all on the same page.
The following definition is courtesy of twinflames1111.com:
Twin flames are two souls that were once the same energetic consciousness. They represent two parts of the same original consciousness that chose to split in two to learn the nature of duality, expand learning and evolve understanding, and ultimately reunite through love.
According to this popular twin flame resource, the purpose of a relationship is to help us shed our egos, heal our wounded hearts and transform us into spiritually awakened beings. The attraction between you is said to be irresistible, magnetic and intense because you are created from the same energetic fabric. Many say that the first meeting provokes a feeling of recognition because you see a lost part of yourself. It is also believed that each partner has a higher purpose to achieve together, usually in the form of humanitarian activity.
It is interesting to note that conflict is a central element of this whole experiment. A key element of this theory is the idea of the runner and the pursuer. One person is seen as the divine male (the runner) and the other as the divine female (the pursuer). The idea is that the runner runs away from the connection because he is less mature, while the pursuer, being more evolved, recognizes the true nature of his experience. Most sites suggest that these roles can be reversed and that the process only stops when both people realize that there are forces beyond their control.
If you want to know more about this ideology, I recommend you read this complete guide.
Let’s see how we can look at this concept from two different perspectives: the cynical and the spiritual.
A cynical look is nothing more than a limerick.
Of course, cynics are quick to deny the truth about twin flames. There are many good reasons why people hold this view.
You need look no further than the twin flame topics on Quora. You won’t be immediately surprised by the number and content of stories from people all over the world. You’ll read about people who put their lives on hold and waited decades before acknowledging their feelings for a supposed twin, even if they were married and had children. There are even cases where people truly believe they have found their soul mate on the Internet, even though they have never met them in person.
Add to this the countless rationalizations people have to explain why someone doesn’t want to be with them, and you can get an idea of the fantasies in which many people live.
In fact, it is quite possible that what many people are experiencing is not an encounter with their soul mate, but a psychological state called limerence.
Lust was first introduced in the 1960s by psychologist Dorothy Tennow in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience Of Being In Love. She defined lust as follows:
The cognitive and emotional state of falling in love with or obsessing over another person, which is involuntary and characterized by a desire for mutual feelings.”
This condition has five main characteristics:
- Obsessive thoughts about the other person leading to the inability to concentrate on daily activities that have nothing to do with the other person.
- Primary desire for mutual feelings, not for sex or intimacy.
- Focus on winning the person over, not on their happiness or well-being.
- Compulsive reading of a person’s behavior and drawing conclusions.
- Refusal to accept “no” as an answer, including the perception of rejection as a challenge to overcome (nothing can dissuade them).
It may seem absurd to you. One of Tennov’s most interesting findings was that people who had never experienced limerence could not recognize its existence. The idea of constant infatuation with a person and mutual feelings may seem ridiculous to someone who has no personal experience with which to associate it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
Tennov’s research in the 1970s revealed a surprisingly large number of people with limerence symptoms, including one man who obsessed over his coworker for nine years. He filled forty notebooks and several thousand audiotapes with details about how he looked, whether he smiled, whether he talked to him, and other minute details that only he could appreciate. His absent-mindedness led to poor performance, several demotions and, finally, dismissal.
When I look at some of the stories of those who claim to have experienced the twin flame journey, I cannot help but see similarities to the Limmernz condition. If we look at the cases objectively, we can find confirmation of each of the symptoms in the behavior of the twin flame believers:
- They tend to be obsessed with the person they believe to be their twin and cannot focus on anything else.
- Emphasis is placed on the reciprocity of feelings by recognizing that there is a kind of divine connection between them.
- Often there is a detailed analysis of why the person knows they are their twin, including a detailed analysis of behavior and traits such as synchronicity, presumed telepathy.
- The believer is usually obsessed with what he or she wants from that person, not that person’s happiness.
- In many cases, the person refuses to accept rejection because they believe their twin is running away from their true feelings.
I could list countless examples where I have seen evidence of limerence in the twin flame community.
This state is dangerous because, as Tennov’s research has shown, it can last for years. The romantic and spiritual overtones of this theory make it incredibly effective in destroying a person’s psyche. We love the idea of destiny and romance: it fits with our idea that there is someone out there whom we need. When we think we have found the One, it can be very difficult to move on, and the basis of the twin flame movement is that this struggle between flight and pursuit is inevitable. The danger in all of this is that it is easy to become attached to one person and justify them as the destination or part of the journey.
From a cynical point of view, there is a strong argument that most people who believe they have a twin flame are simply experiencing a crush. There are too many stories that painstakingly describe details of behavior and extraordinary claims of uncorroborated telepathy, such as “I know what he feels because his soul speaks to me.”
I’m all for romance, but I can’t ignore the possibility that it’s just love.
At this point, ask yourself if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms. If so, it may be time to reconsider and take a break. There is no shame in suffering from this disorder: Tennove’s research has shown that many more people have experienced limerence than we think. It takes a lot of courage to let go of your feelings and admit that you have lost control. Be strong and honest with yourself: no one knows you better than you do.
A spiritual perspective is at least an opportunity for growth.
Although there is a real possibility that he simply suffers from this psychological condition, I don’t think it’s fair to completely discredit the idea of twin flames.
There is something special about the fact that so many people report the same experience. The stories of alleged encounters with twin flames are eerily similar, and the situation is often unlike anything the reporter has experienced before. I see the same words used over and over again to describe the encounters (magnetic, compelling, feeling of gratitude), and many people don’t know what a twin flame is until a memorable encounter prompts them to search for answers.
I only know the twin flame because I had a situation that confused me and I needed clarity. This from someone who has been in many relationships and knows what passion is. It was unique and I soon discovered that the words I mentioned earlier – magnetism and acceptance – were synonymous with this theory.
This may indicate that what is happening is real, because it is triggering something inside. Most of these stories have to do with someone reclaiming emotional baggage and insecurities that have plagued them for years. It’s hard not to see this consistent pattern of people having crazy moments that can heal past hurts. For me, I have had to deal with issues of self-esteem, self-worth and jealousy. These were real issues that I had kept to myself for years; they only came up when I met this man and was willing to face them. I can say with certainty that at least everyone who feels they are on the path of the twin flame has an opportunity for personal growth, whether there is a mirror soul or not.
Nor should we ignore the truth: none of us knows what is possible. No one can say with certainty why we are here or what happens after death. It is also impossible to prove or disprove past lives or the existence of souls. For some it may not make sense, but for others there is no reason not to believe.
Although many are quick to regard science as a barometer of truth, I prefer to proceed with caution. Yes, it is a field we rely on, but there is also much that can be done with intuition and faith. There are things that happen that science cannot explain, which is why some of the most brilliant researchers, despite their knowledge, believe in something that is not of this world. If you have a preference for religion, multiple lives or even a general belief in a higher existence, then believing in a dual flame makes sense.
Delirium or spiritual awakening? You decide.
Ultimately, you choose what you believe in all areas of life. With these words, I would like to offer you some thoughts on twin flames.
Two things are clear:
- Many people who believe in the twin flame become obsessed and show signs of infatuation.
- Many of the situations people describe as twin flame journeys represent opportunities for growth and healing from past emotional burdens.
Perhaps you should worry less about proving the truth of a theory (you never will) and focus on what you can learn from the experience. Something about your encounter with this person has brought you here: there is a trigger within you that needs to be addressed.
For me, the healing of my problems has changed my life in a way that I cannot describe. I went through a great period of inner struggle, but now I am so empowered that I can’t even imagine what was happening to me before.
The existence or reality of the Gemini Flames is not as important as your own progress. Don’t succumb to the fantasies of limerence and focus on what you can control: how you react to it. You can sit in forums and discuss the signs of synchronicity, or you can do the work of healing and development. You have been given a gift; it is up to you to use it.
The choice is yours.
Just do it.